If you have a child leaving for college, it’s a superb time to have this family conversation.   It isn’t too late to visit 2-3 churches in the college town when you take your student to school.  Introduce yourselves to the college pastor.  Note the service times.  Have your student get on the church’s email list.  (You did all you could to make other important transitions smooth and easy, why do anything different for this one?)

THE QUESTIONS.

Why do we go to church?

How do we choose one church over another?

Is church about me?

If it isn’t about me, then are my decisions consistent with Whom it is about?

What if I don’t “feel” like going to church?  What if it doesn’t “feel” interesting or engaging or meaningful?

Eric Buehrer, President of Gateways to a Better Education, stated in a recent letter, “According to the research, during THIS coming year, another 40 percent of Evangelical students will begin their exit from church during their middle and high school years unless we do something about it.”

The reasons are numerous.  So, what can a parent do?  Spark a conversation that matters.  Then listen.

TO CREATE MORE FAMILY CONVERSATION, GROWING WINGS RECOMMENDS:

Gateways to a Better Education.

The tagline for this ministry is: Keeping the Faith in Public Schools.

For the next academic year, kids will be influenced greatly by authority figures and peers.  Some influences will be wholesome and support your family values, while some, likely too many, will attempt to entice them away from their Christian convictions.  The answer isn’t:  STAY AWAY from the influences.  The answer is:  DISCERN AND LEARN.  Gateways helps you walk with your child through the challenging fires of public education.

Staying connected to the body of believers can be considered an offensive tactic to helping our kids (although not the prime reason for going to church, which is to worship, obey and serve God).  Gateways to Better Education can be considered a defensive tactic.  Watch video highlights of Keeping the Faith in Public Schools.

Some friends escorted their teen to a large, public university for class registration and orientation a few weeks ago.  At a critical point the parents were separated from the students.  Questioning parents were told that the student meeting on class selection was “too detailed for the parents to understand.”  (Are these the same parents that apparently are capable enough to earn the money to pay for  tuition?)

As soon as the students were segregated, they were instructed to not ask their parents for advice and not listen to suggestions from them regarding class selection.  Just sign up for anything that looks intriguing.

Hmmm.  Which classes might be provocative?  Maybe one on the pleasure wars and America’s responses to prostitution, pornography, and contraception?  Or, what about one of the many gender studies classes?  A class in ethics would be interesting as students discuss the ways they’ve been duped into thinking that a “right” answer to moral questions exists and that the sources they’ve used to decide what is right and wrong are, well, wrong. 

Ask your teen:

Why would parents’ advice on courses like these and many others be valuable?  What should a young person do when an authority figure says, “don’t listen to your parents?”  How can they decide which authority figures are worth listening to?  How long will it take a student to graduate, if they take classes that aren’t moving them toward fulfilling their major?  When and how should parents and a student discuss important decisions?   Is “intriguing” a sufficiently worthwhile reason for taking a class?

TO CREATE MORE FAMILY CONVERSATION, GROWING WINGS RECOMMENDS: 

American Vision.

1.  Surviving College Successfully Pack.  The resources can be purchased in a package or separately.  After reading more yourself, flag sections for your son or daughter to read or explain selections to them during family discussion time (then leave the book in a conspicuous spot like the kitchen table and hope they’ll read more after their interest has been piqued). 

2.  Movies with Worldviews in Mind, a free e-book, is an outstanding family resource for discerning and discussing a variety of movies to build critical Christian conviction thinking skills.

Where should a mom turn for a question about reincarnation?  The Bible certainly.  However, the adult had already strengthened her position by quoting from which source?  The Bible certainly.  We had a draw, right?

Not so fast.

1.  We looked up the verse that allegedly affirmed the position of reincarnation.

2.  We remembered that Greg Koukl taught us that we should never read a Bible verse.  We read the verse in context.  Clearly, the passage wasn’t speaking of past and future lives, but rather God’s perspective of the beginning and the end.

3.  We used www.Biblegateway.com to quickly find Hebrews 9:27  (all I could remember was “to die once”).

4.  Yet there were more questions about what the adult and others have experienced in past lives.  I spent less than 10 minutes searching 3 trusted, family-friendly sites and found the best answers for all of the related questions to be at Probe Ministries.

I could have felt intimidated by the question.  I could have been afraid that my son was curious about it all.  I could have told him it was nonsense because the Bible tells me so.

Instead, I chose to thank God for this teachable moment with a bright son who has a strong faith.  I modeled researching the answer and not just saying that it’s in the Bible somewhere.  We practiced reading in context (again).  I showed him (quickly) the sites that we’ve looked at for many questions over the years that could help with this question.  Then, we discussed for well more than an hour our faith, talking to others, and Satan’s tactics.  He isn’t going to look bad or unintelligent to us, we’d spot him in a second.  He is going to craftily package himself with bits of truth and present himself in a lovely gift box such as a person working to heal an injury.

5.  Finally, God calls us to do more than know the truth but also to be salt it the world.  We brainstormed what my son could tell the adult to help her know the true truth.

TO CREATE MORE FAMILY CONVERSATION, GROWING WINGS RECOMMENDS:

Probe Ministries.

Search on “reincarnation” for this discussion opportunity, especially Sue Bohlin’s “Was Reincarnation Ever in the Bible?” and “How Do you Explain Knowledge of Past Lives Unless It’s True?“.

Stand to Reason.

Never read a Bible verse.

To make the most of the moments I have with each of my three sons, I almost always have an article snippet to read, a question to discuss, or a current event topic to share.  The central theme is Christian convictions.   I’m always willing and when God makes me able by giving me the right time, I can move from casual conversation to something meaningful quickly and easily.   I’m ready to talk along the way.

An area we often discuss is RULES.  Most Christians would say that God makes the rules.  But, do we live with God as the Ruler of our lives?  Or, do we live as though we can craft the rules that work for us?  Why do we resist living wisely according to the rules?  (Try to delve deeper than the simple response of a sinful nature.)  What is the toughest area to live out God’s truth for each family member?  Kids can be more open and vulnerable after the parent has been open and vulnerable first.  How can we do better?

TO CREATE MORE FAMILY CONVERSATION, GROWING WINGS RECOMMENDS:

A Probe Ministries’ article features an outstanding family-focused book, Worldproofing Your Kids, by Lael Arrington.  Use the five questions listed to spark discussion.  Lael provides a framework for answering the questions using the Christian worldview.  The paperback edition came out 12 years ago, yet the contents are as relevant as ever.  Lael weaves sound Biblical principles with clever twists and humorous turns as she inspires parents and provides practical ideas for talking with kids. 

Our copy of Worldproofing Your Kids has the battle scars of picnic baskets, van excursions, and even some puppy teeth marks.  Guess our furry friend wanted some good thoughts to chew on one day too.

1.  If I (or my child) can spend significant amounts of time on electronic devices (playing games, facebooking, texting, or surfing the web), it’s summer, should I?

2.  Considering we are not to judge others, if I have the opportunity to tell someone in love that I believe what they are doing is wrong, should I?

For the record, my responses are: 1. No.  2. Yes.  I know that those insightful answers and $1 can’t buy almost anything.  But the questions deserve thoughtful discussion between a parent and child (and among adults, if we hope to change the trajectory of things).  The important questions are:  why or why not and how do we decide?

In my discussions this week with teens, young adults, and adult friends, we couldn’t answer the questions without discussing relationship and discernment for both questions.  Our vertical relationship ought to inform our activities and our horizontal relationships.  What God thinks and how He guides must impact our behavior and decisions (aka the Christian worldview).  When I have the self-discipline to consider His perspective, it makes the decisions easier (although often not easy) and the discussions clearer.

To Create More Family Conversation, Growing Wings Recommends:

The Center for Parent and Youth Understanding website and Walt Mueller’s “learning my lines” blog (look especially at the June 24 and June 4 entries related to our priorities and the Gosselin family) offer perspectives related to these issues and more that will spark meaningful family discussions.

Talk along the way and build your relationship.  Your precious child’s future depends on that strong bond.   What does your teen think?

If you can, should you?

Kids who can’t answer this question, can’t share their faith in a very compelling fashion.  Yet, there is a more fundamental concern.  Kids who don’t know are more vulnerable when they leave home.  They are more susceptible to being convinced that another set of beliefs with a well articulated set of reasons for believing is better.

Create a family conversation.  Tell your child what they think matters to you.  Resist lecturing.  Listen intently.  Build your relationship.  If it is strong and open, improve it.  If it isn’t where you want it to be, take the first step.  

Your teen will enjoy being asked their opinion (whether they let you know it or not).  Ask the question.  Explore the answer together. 

To Create More Family Conversation, Growing Wings Recommends:

Christian Answers.Net.  Look for the frequently asked questions, near the bottom of the Bible page.

To help, each week Growing Wings will offer you a starting point for an important conversation with your teens and preteens. 

Ideas from TALK ALONG THE WAY for FAMILIES can be used by independently or in conjunction with Creating Family Conversations.  See: http://creatingfamilyconversations.wordpress.com/guide-series/

…Here’s an idea for parents and teens: Alex and Bret Harris, the best-selling authors of Do Hard Things and founders of TheRebelution.com, are hosting 5 one-day DOHARDTHINGS conferences around the US, including one in Louisville, Kentucky and Chicago, Illinois.

Plan a trip, make a reservation, be challenged together.

Then, while your teen’s spirit is more open, talk.

If your current trajectory is terrific, this can help you stay on course.  If the flight path could use a little updraft, here is your opportunity to make it better.

Pertaining to roots, favoring drastic reforms, existing inherently in a person.

Do I want to be “radical” Christian?  I think so.

Do I want to raise children who live “radical” lives for Christ? Absolutely.  What’s the alternative?  Lukewarm or cold?

Should I be a “radical” parent?  Depends on who you ask.

• God’s perspective?  Think about Jeremiah 17: 7-8 and the deep-rooted tree by the stream analogy.  Those who put their trust in God, will be blessed, do not have to worry, and will yield fruit.  Being radical is Biblical.
• My sons?  When they were young?  Maybe not so much.  Now?  An emphatic “yes.”  They feel prepared for the challenges they face.  Floundering isn’t a pretty picture.
• Someone in the “culture”?  Depends, but a quick survey of the scene shows an increasingly hostile environment for Christians and Christian parenting.   A drastic reform of the “culture” would be a good thing.

Let’s be radical followers of Christ and radical parents who raise radical image bearers of the King.